Hope
by Goodbye0Love
Summary: I've lost my hope a long time ago. At least this is what I like to tell myself. My name is Rachel Berry and this is my story.
1. Prologue

This** is my very first story so I hope you like it:)**

I lost my hope a long time ago. At least that is what I like to say to myself. I'm Rachel Berry and this is my story.

You know, some people like to say that there is one person in your life to change everything. Yeah even in the darkest of the nights when you have lost your way and you don't know where to go – there's one person that is worth to try.

When I was younger, I didn't really care about that. I just knew what I wanted and where I needed to be. New York – Broadway. Standing on a real Broadway stage, ME in the spotlight. That was all that mattered to me. My Dad's couldn't have been prouder of me and they couldn't have supported me more. I just knew that one day, I was gonna make it. The way it was supposed to be.

So, the very first time I noticed that I was different from the others, was when I lay sprawled over my bed, crying in my pillow on the very first day of Middle School. The day had been horrible. That girl, Quinn Fabray, liked to make fun of me. With everything she had and with everything she was. Sometimes it seemed like her life had no other value than punishing me. And the first day of school was no exception.

" Hey you ", as if she didn't know my name " I thought I told you that these sweaters are the worst things my eyes ever had to bear. Who do you wanna make hot? Kermit the Frog? " I tried to ignore her but, well you know, Quinn had always been a bitch.

"I talked to you Man hands! Who do you think you're talking to?" As if I was.

I never understood, why Quinn was so mean. I later figured out for myself that she was just jealous of my talent but unfortunately you don't realize things like that when you are on you first day of Middle School. So I walked down the hallway and continued ignoring her. Obviously, Quinn Fabray didn't like to be ignored. All I noticed was a whisper behind me alsmost as if she was murmuring something. Then there were just laughters. not only hers but also male ones. And they were evil. Before I could realize what was really happening, I had a slushy in my face and it didn't take long until my clothes absorbed everything of the clammy substance. Horrible. " Hey Berry, need to change? I'm more than willing to help.", one of the guys said as they passed me by. Noah Puckerman. Who else if not him. He's jewish like I am and when we were younger that was something to connect us. I often saw him as we went to the same synagoge and we used to play together. I always thought he was a quite good guy or maybe that was just what I liked to believe. People change - not all of them for the better.

I felt humiliated, disgusted and the slushy was cleaving it's way to my underpants. Once again - horrible. From the corner of my eye I noticed one of the guys - he was sort of different, not just because he was a lot taller than the others. For a second there was sorry in his whisky-coloured eyes as he gave me a penetrating and tender-hearted look. The next, he was high-fiving with Puck and the other jerks. I really should've been angry at him, should't I? But there was something deep inside of me that reacted to that look. I felt something. Almost like an invisible bond between us. I know, that sounds like such a cliche out of those horrible teen movies but it was exactly like that. And this is where our story starts.


	2. Don't rain on my parade

The afternoon was well...strange. As I walked through our front door, my Dads looked at me like I was an alien. It didn't sursprise me. What kind of parents expect their daughter to come home after the first day at a new school and be drenched in slushy? I bet they didn't even know that it was slushy. I must've looked like a failed painting. After the first shock was gone, they risked to come up to me and Hiram even brought me a towel. "What did they do to you, Honey?", he asked me,

„that sweater was brand new and you were so proud, how could they do something so terrible to you! Well, we'll buy you a new one okay?" Actually I didn't want a new sweater. What I really wanted to do was to fix that crack in my dignity that needed time to heal. That slushy didn't just leave casual marks. But I wasn't ready to talk about it then so I did the only thing that felt right to me at that moment - Acting. " I'm fine Dad, really. It was quite nice today though. The people are friendy and welcoming. Yeah, there may be some exceptions, but I won't back down. Barbra would've never gotten that far, if she had backed down, would've she? I'm fine really!" I put on my best fake-smile and rushed up the stairs. I didn't want them to see me cry. As the door closed behind me, I let the tears roll down my cheeks. How was I gonna survive Middle School with Quinn being such a bitch? And what about Noah? We used to be friends. But no, that was not the Noah I had known back then. This one was a total jerk, or ass or whatever you liked to call him. I didn't recognize him anymore. I threw myself on my bed and lay there sprawled. And I cried and cried for what felt like hours.

Then, I didn't know how late it was, probably not even an hour had passed, I began to regain my strength. Who was Quinn, who was Noah? I was Rachel Berry and I was born to be a star. And I knew that no matter how many slushies would be thrown into my face, I would always have myself and my dreams and I wouldn't give up until I reached them. I got up from my bed slowly and walked to the mirror on my wall and I watched myself. The tears had already dried but my eyes were still red from the crying. I bend forward a little bit and examined myself. Was I really that ugly? Sure, my nose was huge and what you would call a "jewish" nose but it wasn't that bad. Maybe it even gave my face something cute. My big brown eyes were circled by my thick brown eyelashes. And I kinda liked it. I took a few steps back to get a full view. My brown hair lay over my shoulders and went as far as a little under my breasts. They weren't big but I guess fit my height and weight perfectly. In general you could say I was a pretty girl. And I wanted to be content about myself again. Who was Quinn again? I took a few steps forward again, took my hairbrush and I started to sing...

_Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter_

_Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter_

_Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade _

_Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to _

_If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you _

_Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade _

_I'll march my band out, I'll beat my drum _

_And if I'm fanned out, your turn at bat, sir _

_At least I didn't fake it hat, sir _

_I guess, I didn't make it _

_But whether I'm teh rose of sheer perfection_

_Or freckle on the nose of life's complexion _

_The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye_

_I gotta fly once, I gotta try once,_

_Only can die once, right, sir?_

_Ooh, life is juicy, juicy and you see,_

_I gotta have my bite, sir._

_Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer"_

_I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer_

_Don't bring around the cloud to rain on my parade, _

_I'm gonna live and live NOW!_

_Get what I want, I know how!_

_One roll for the whole shebang!_

_One throw that bell will go clang,_

_Eye on the target and wham,_

_One shot, one gun shot and bam!_

_Hey, Mr. Arnstein, here I am ..._

_I'll march my band out, I will beat my drum,_

_And if I'm fanned out, your turn at bat, sir,_

_At least I didn't fake it, hat, sir,_

_I guess I didn't make it_

_Get ready for me love, 'cause I'm a "comer"_

_I simply gotta march, my heart's a drummer_

_Nobody, no, nobody, is gonna rain on my parade!_

As I finished the song, I just felt good. That was what I loved about Barbra Streisand. She was not only my idol and a perfect role model, she could also cheer me up, even without her knowing that I existed. She was perfection!

After that, I went back downstairs. And when my Dads asked me how I was, I told the truth this time. "Good. Yes, actually I'm doing really good, thanks for asking.", I answered.

"Yeah, Miss Quinn Fabray. Rachel Berry won't back down", I thought to myself with a very confident and determined smile on my face.


	3. The little Things

"Are you sure that you have everything honey? We could you know drive back home if you don't. Well sometimes people just..." " It's okay Dad, really. You already made me check at home.", I interrupted Hiram, a bit amused. " I just want to make sure that you're well prepared. That's what matters most, if you wanna succeed in life, especially when you need to audtiton...", before he could get into another flood of words I interrupted him again ( I know that may sound a bit rude, but what was I supposed to do? I didn't want to be late) " Dad, it's my second day of Middle School, it will be fine and as I said", I looked at him lingerly and warm-hearted " I checked at home. And actually it's really nice that you brought me to school but it's not nessecary, I can take the bus, you don't need to drive me." " I'm just worried about you, you know? I mean the way you looked yesterday when you came back from school, well... wasn't what I expected.", Hiram answered. It really seemed to have stressed him badly. At least he didn't seem well-rested and as I really regarded him for the first time that morning, the view I got made me have a bad conscience. His eyes were reddened and he had dark circles und his eyes. Hardly noticeable, but they were there. He must have had a long night. Unfortunately, there were only a few minutes left before my first class was supposed to begin and I had to leave. So, I did the only thing that felt right to me at that moment. I gave my dad a hug and tried to put all the love I had for him into it. I didn't want him to suffer – not because of me. I needed him to be okay. „Dad, I'm fine, really. Look at me, please." The please was more of a question than a beg. His look was penetrating and I could see that there were tears starting to swell up in his eyes. "I'm fine." "Okay Honey, as long as you're happy.", he tried to put on a smile and whiped away the few tears that were now rolling down his cheeks " See you later. You better get going, or you're gonna be late. Love you, Darling." He smiled at me one last time before I got out of the car. "Love you, Daddy!"

Fortunately, I reached my first class earlier than my teacher did. Geography never had been my favourite class but it was bearable and I wasn't that bad at it. When I entered the room, there was only one seat left at the back, not my prefered choice but I was attentive anyways. Soon the teacher

arrived and started to go through our names. "Rachel Berry" "Yes.", I answered. I liked to hear my name be called out loud by somebody. It was always a good practise for the time that I would win my first Tony Award. You could never get used to hearing your name enough.I didn't pay too much attention to the other names. If you wanted to succeed in life the only thing you should pay attention to is yourself – and your talent of course.

The topic of that day's lesson was agriculture in the USA. I took notes carefully and tried to understand everything in the best way possible . I asked questions and it seemed that I was the only motivated student in the whole class. For Barbra's sake!

" So how come you know so much?", a voice next to me asked. I turned to the left to see to who it belonged. I felt my heart skip a beat. It was the mysterious boy from yesterday. And although I shouldn't have answered and should've been angry, I couldn't do or be it. So I just said: "Huh?", I slapped myself mentally. " I'm sorry, I meant, what did you say?" Why was I so nervous? I didn't even know him! "You don't have to apologize", he chuckled softly. And it somehow made my heart melt for a moment. I slapped msyelf again. "I just asked you, why you know so much." Was he serious? " Uhm...I don't know, I uhm...probably read a lot when I was younger..." I was close to beating myself up mentally. He chuckled again. Was it allowed to be so cute? I definitely needed to change the subject. I didn't even recognize myself and we only talked for about, I didn't know...three minutes? "How come, that you talk to me? I thoought that throwing slushies was your way to express youself?" And there it was again. The sorry in his eyes. He even looked a bit hurt. What did he expect? He supported the whole thing. "First of all, I didn't throw it...", That didn't prevent you from high-fiving with Noah and the other ones.", I interrupted him. " And secondly", he continued,

"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." I looked at him again and what I saw made my heart go weak. He had the cutest puppy-dog-eyes I had ever seen. I wondered if he had practised that look before. But i needed to be resistent. But why did you do it and why do you hang out with Noah then?", I asked. Before he could give me an answer, the bell rang and the lesson was over. He already had grabbed his stuff und gave me ona last look and just had a goofy grin on his face. "Bye Rach!" Then he turned around. I felt a shiver, as I heard his pet name for me. What was wrong with me? I hardly knew that guy. And he hardly knew was his name actually? I almost cursed – and Rachel Berry never curses. I just wished that I would've paid attention before.

The rest of the school day went on very uneventful. Here and there Quinn tried to bring me down. But I was Rachel Berry and I wouldn't back down.

Back at home, I wasn't drenched in slushy, which was a progress. And think, my dads thought the same. I quickly grabbed something to eat and went upstairs. I was just so confused. And I did the only thing that had always helped me before when I was confused or sad or angry or whatever. I started to sing And the boy didn't leave my mind once, I felt the bond again.

_The little things, you do to me are  
taking me over, i wanna show ya  
everything inside of me  
like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating  
my feet are stuck here, against the pavement  
i wanna break free, i wanna make it  
closer to your eyes, get your attention  
before you pass me by _

_So back up back up take another chance  
Don't you mess up mess up I don't wanna lose you  
Wake up wake up this aint just a thing that you  
Give up give up don't you say that I'd be  
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin  
If im better off better off, with out you boy _

_So don't just leave me hanging on _

_And every time, you notice me by  
holdin me closely, and sayin sweet things  
i don't believe, that it could be  
you speekin your mind and, sayin the real thing  
my feet have broke free, and i am leavin  
i'm not gonna stand here, feelin lonely but  
i wont forget you, and i won't think this  
was just a waste of time _

_So back up back up take another chance  
Don't you mess up mess up I don't wanna lose you  
Wake up wake up this aint just a thing that you  
Give up give up don't you say that I'd be  
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin  
If im better off better off, with out you boy  
_

_But don't just leave me hangin on... _

As I finished the song I regarded myself in the mirror. This couldn't happen. Rachel Berry couldn't be falling in love.

(Song used : _The little Things _by _Colbie Caillat_)


End file.
